Love is in the air because today is Valentines day. The day of love as they say.

As I surf the super highway, I came across one of my post before. I don’t remember where I got it from or if I made it. If someone owns this let me know so that I can give you the credit.

Anyway, as I read the post, I remembered how was I in those days where I eagerly seek for someone to love and love me back as well. Where I can’t stop looking for someone that I will spend my entire life with. Where I spent so much time and money just to make myself look cool and make me a great catch. I was young. I was full of boiling hormones eager to catch up to the times where having a girl defines you as a real man because you chose to first finish your studies until college. I remembered the days of hurts, declines, and constant shattering of emotions. I remembered how I willingly agreed to be a rebound, how I was being played around, and how I willingly submit myself to be an idiot just because of that four-letter-word – LOVE.

Hindi ba nakakalungkot isipin, na mahal na mahal mo ang isang tao pero alam mo sa isip at puso mo na hindi ka naman niya mahal?

Pilit mong pinagtatangol sa isipan mo na mamahalin ka rin ng taong ‘yun. Pero hindi man lang dumarating ‘yung point na sasabihin niya sa harapan mo na mahal ka rin niya.

Naghintay ka ng matagal…buwan…taon….para mahalin ka rin niya. Nagsakripisyo ka para lang kahit papaano magkaroon siya ng idea na lahat ng ginagawa mo para sa kanya….para lang ibigin ka rin niya…

‘Pag tinatanong ka ng ibang tao, ang sarap sarap sabihin na, “oo, mahal ko siya at mahal rin niya ako”, pero sa loob loob mo, ang sakit isipin na niloloko mo lang ang sarili mo sa pagsasabi na mahal ka niya. 

Mahirap ipagtanggol ‘yung nadarama mo kung sa sarili mo alam mo na wala ka naman talagang pinagtatangol!

Kaya tuloy nagtatanong ka…niloloko ko lang ba ang sarili ko? O patuloy akong maghihintay…

….na ako naman ang mamahalin niya?

Photo by Andrew Jalili